Monday, November 5, 2018

Compare and Contrast

I was the first person from my close group of high school girlfriends to get married and have a baby.

And even though I'd already planned a wedding and had a little girl, when my three friends all got married within the same 10 month span... and then were all pregnant/had their own daughters within the same 7 month span... I felt incredibly left out.  Chalk it up to left over high school insecurities, but I just felt excluded somehow.

Fast forward a few years, and I'm pregnant again.  This time, a couple of my friends are also pregnant and we end up having our babies in February, March, and April of the same year.  "Yes!" I remember thinking.  "Now I get to go through this process again... right alongside someone else. This is going to be great!"

Remember that old expression, "Be careful what you wish for?"

Because of the opportunity to watch these other two kids grow up alongside my son, it has become sort of second nature to compare and contrast their development.  To be honest, this has been both a blessing and a curse.

After reading a social media post, I started thinking that maybe MY son should be talking because HERS was.  After spending time ignoring those gut feelings and (continually) reminding myself that "comparison is the thief of joy" - we decided to have our son evaluated.  Turns out he has expressive receptive language disorder.  And while it doesn't always feel like it, reading that post that ultimately pushed us to have him diagnosed was a blessing.

Enter the "curse" aspect.

We are taking steps to help our son.  He sees two different sets of therapists, we have a communication board in our home, and so on.  But I can't seem to stop comparing where he is right now with where he SHOULD be.  Things are progressing slow and steady, and I know in my heart that all forward progress should be celebrated.  But lately it feels impossible to stop worrying about the future.  When are these sounds going to turn into real words?  How is he going to learn to read?  Will he be able to keep up with kids his age?  Why am I worried about Kindergarten when I should be worried about how he can't even say his own name?

Now, back to those darn social media posts.  Watching children younger than him hit the milestones that he hasn't yet is heartbreaking.  There isn't any other way to describe it.  I wish I could turn off the compare and contrast aspect of my brain, but I can't.  I wish I could stop comparing his development to his older sister, but it's so hard.  I wish I could just say the right things and do the right things and "fix" him, but it doesn't work like that.

All I can do is love him for who he is at this moment in time.  No comparing.  No contrasting.  No conditions.  And some days, that's much easier said than done.

1 comment:

  1. He’ll get there! Auntie knows he will ❤️